Jason (julleri) wrote in boyinterupted,
Jason
julleri
boyinterupted

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Identity Crisis

I have been very depressed today. I cried today for a long time. It's funny how we cry, you know, if you stop and think about it. I compare it to weather patterns and when precipitation occurs. For example, I'm sure some never cry... just like the desert in northern Chile that receives realistically only a trace or so of rain every century. I forget the desert's name and exactly how much rain it is, but I know it's low. That's not my point anyway. And others of us cry like it's Seattle Washington, just letting the tears flow nearly daily. I used to be like that. I feel I'm not more like the US southwest... crying, but not often, and I know when it's over that it's over. That's how I make the comparison to weather. It ends. The tears end... the rain ends. ... and certainly, weather itself can, for those affected by SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), affect the times and/or reasons we cry.

Alright, with that nonsense out of the way, I began thinking about what I could really be suffering from this week that's so different from just my normal depression as-is. I realized that ... I don't really know who I am as a person. I feel mighty dislike to my personality, and I knew that it had something to do with my current identity. Thinking along the lines of "gender identity crisis," I decided to look up some things on just "identity crisis," as I knew it had to exist. Sure enough, does it ever, and the amazing thing is is that it's something I'm sure that I've studied in my Psychology 101 class (back in Spring 2001 - lol), but have totally forgotten about. The phrase was coined by a Dr. Erik Erikson, and more information can be found here about it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Identity_crisis_(psychology)

In conjunction with this, I do strongly remember having studied his eight stages of psychological development during that psychology course. It's really a timeline of a human being. I'm in early adulthood. I believe that something may be wrong with the bullet points listed there (I'll place the URL in a moment), or that I have some problems with a few of the listed "areas of difficulty" of identity crisis as listed in the above site.

Here's the URL for the latter:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erikson%27s_stages_of_psychosocial_development

I just thought of something... who the hell am I talking/writing to? Who's to say anyone is going to read this and reply? This is why journals have always bothered me... even before electronic versions, I always wondered "what's the point?" and "to whom am I talking, anyway???"

-Jason
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